Going down is the easy part ...
The Grand Canyon is a sight to behold. And a bitch to climb out of.
It all started one beautiful May day on the banks of the Colorado River at Lees Ferry, Arizona. Angela and I and a bunch of people we didn't know and didn't get to know, piled onboard a giant raft contraption for a three day two night river trip down to Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with an outfitter. And honestly, though the river wasn't as powerfully wicked those particular days as we'd hoped it was still fun and beautiful and interesting. The guides gave an ongoing history, geography and wildlife lesson and we'd stop periodically to take hikes and visit points of interest. All and all a wonderful trip down a beautiful river.
Let me get back to the rafts - they are huge. I think we had about 19 people on our raft and a waterproof duffel for each person or pair and foodstuffs and a camp kitchen to boot. We'd stop at lunch and hike around while the crew made lunch and go back down to the river and eat and rest and swim if we were so inclined and then pack everything back on the raft and take off again. Later in the day, well before dark, we'd pull over and make camp for the night. The crew would cook up a bunch of protein and carbs and campfires would be built and the beer and other beverages would be enjoyed and eventually you'd sleep. Well, that is, unless you're obsessing incessantly about bugs ... and snakes ...
Camping in the Grand Canyon has an awful lot to offer, the very least of which is a grand perspective on life. Imaging laying back on the bank of the Colorado with bats and birds swooping around catching bugs, the colors of the Canyon subtly and wonderfully changing as the light of the day fades, and all of a sudden nature calls in another way.
Going Potty in the Grand Canon entails an intricate and highly evolved series of events and hardware. The toilet consists of a large ammo can with a toilet lid, aka The Duke. The toilet paper is left in a conspicuous spot a few dozen yards away from The Duke. In theory, as pottier #1 you will retrieve the toilet paper and proceed to The Duke. Pottier #2 will realize the paper is missing and assume that there is a pottier #1 on The Duke and stand out of the way and wait till pottier #1 brings the paper back. That was bearable - but extremely frightening after dark. For me anyway. A flashlight can only show you just so many of the numerous perils awaiting you on a trip through the brush and rocks and rattlesnakes and scorpions on the way to The Duke. But God help me, sometimes you just can't hold it till sun up.
Enough of that.Going to sleep was another issue altogether. We're back to the rattlesnakes and scorpions here. I was an extremely fearful person back then. Not quite afraid of my shadow, but close. I had a major ordeal to go through each night to ensure myself that I was duly protected from snakes and bugs even though I was lying on a mat with nothing above me but the stars. I would spend hours visualizing a snake and bug-proof barrier around me and, I guess, eventually fall asleep from simple exhaustion. I failed on those mostly sleepless nights to visualize a barricade for coyotes. I awoke one morning to find tracks leading past me, stopping at my head, and continuing down to the "kitchen." Oh well ...
At some point on the third day we came ashore and hiked to Phantom Ranch. Phantom Ranch is a very rustic place at the very bottom of the Grand Canyon where hikers and adventurers simply lay their head and grab some grub. We were going to spend one night down there and hike out of the Canyon the next day. You sleep in bunk beds dormitory style - one big room with rows of bunk beds. One building for the women, one for the men. One big mess hall to grab your dinner, and the next morning, have a hearty breakfast and pick up a bagged lunch and hit the trail. For dinner you have a choice of two entrees - stew or steak. For breakfast, I can't remember ... I didn't sleep well and was really tired.
See, it's even more pitch black in the dorm than by the river. There is a roof blocking your star light and did I mention that the dark was one of the things I was afraid of? Plus, I snore - always have - and I was very conscious of not keeping our dorm-mates awake with my snoring. And I was also quite cognizant of the ever-present scorpions. An awful lot to worry about, let me tell you.
Enough of that. Day four - we awaken, albeit somewhat groggily, to a fresh and cool morning, grab breakfast and our packed lunch (a sandwich and an apple) and fill up our water bottles and hit the trail.You have two basic popular choices for hiking into or out of the Grand Canyon: Kaibab Trail or Bright Angel Trail. We chose Bright Angel Trail (a milder hike compared to the other trail) and headed up and out of the Grand Canyon. 9.8 miles of switchbacks and a mostly very gradual incline up to the SouthRim.
Ok - I don't know what possibly could have possessed me to think I could hike out of the Grand Canyon without a hell of a lot of drama and pain and exhaustion. I left the Ranch clean and fresh and looking human. I ended up many hours later with my clothes in tatters and covered in blood. Ah yes ... fond memories ...
It started nicely enough and, honestly, it is a sight to behold - the Canyon, the wildlife, other tourists hiking out with plastic sandles ... passing me ...
It is truly an adventure I'd undertake again, eventually, but this particular time was pure hell in a canyon. There are very few potty stops (one or two, I think) and just about as many watering spots. Water wasn't an issue this time (unlike during my Denali adventure). I had plenty of water. What I didn't have was energy, the sense to take advantage of the last potty stop or a change of clothes.
At some point, either I was goofing off or too tired to stand, I can't remember which, but I ended up shreading both legs of my jeans and getting dirt all over my clothes and face. I was a mess ... but that was nothing. We still had a few hours of hiking to do, well past the last potty station with no turning back - trust me on that - and yours truly entered "that time of month." God help me. Here I was tired, dirty, my hair looked like a tazmanian devil had nested in it, and now I was covered with blood.
Alright - we make it to the South Rim ... I, in relief, exhaustion and embarassment, start bawling my eyes out and make a dash for the visitor center ladies room. I'm staggering, I'm bleeding, I'm crying, I'm filthy and I bust through the ladies room door like a drunk, crazed canyon dweller who everyone suspected existed but hoped never to lay eyes on. And the place is packed to the gills with fresh clean ladies who just got off the tour bus to look over the edge of the rim so they could say they had done the Grand Canyon.Well let me tell you ... I cleared that place out in about 15 seconds flat. As the ladies decided "oh I can hold it" they fled the restroom like a flock of pigeons fleeing a cat and the door closed behind them on utterances of "don't go in there ... really ... you don't want to go in there."
I don't think I need to go into the gross details but after about 20 minutes of taking care of business and basically bathing in a tiny sink I was still tired and wearing dirty, tattered and bloody clothes, but I no longer cared. I had proven myself - I'd done what fewer than one percent of Grand Canyon visitors had done - and by God - I wanted a beer. So we marched proudly into the first restaurant we could find and settled in.It took slightly longer to clear that place out ...
It all started one beautiful May day on the banks of the Colorado River at Lees Ferry, Arizona. Angela and I and a bunch of people we didn't know and didn't get to know, piled onboard a giant raft contraption for a three day two night river trip down to Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with an outfitter. And honestly, though the river wasn't as powerfully wicked those particular days as we'd hoped it was still fun and beautiful and interesting. The guides gave an ongoing history, geography and wildlife lesson and we'd stop periodically to take hikes and visit points of interest. All and all a wonderful trip down a beautiful river.
Let me get back to the rafts - they are huge. I think we had about 19 people on our raft and a waterproof duffel for each person or pair and foodstuffs and a camp kitchen to boot. We'd stop at lunch and hike around while the crew made lunch and go back down to the river and eat and rest and swim if we were so inclined and then pack everything back on the raft and take off again. Later in the day, well before dark, we'd pull over and make camp for the night. The crew would cook up a bunch of protein and carbs and campfires would be built and the beer and other beverages would be enjoyed and eventually you'd sleep. Well, that is, unless you're obsessing incessantly about bugs ... and snakes ...
Camping in the Grand Canyon has an awful lot to offer, the very least of which is a grand perspective on life. Imaging laying back on the bank of the Colorado with bats and birds swooping around catching bugs, the colors of the Canyon subtly and wonderfully changing as the light of the day fades, and all of a sudden nature calls in another way.
Going Potty in the Grand Canon entails an intricate and highly evolved series of events and hardware. The toilet consists of a large ammo can with a toilet lid, aka The Duke. The toilet paper is left in a conspicuous spot a few dozen yards away from The Duke. In theory, as pottier #1 you will retrieve the toilet paper and proceed to The Duke. Pottier #2 will realize the paper is missing and assume that there is a pottier #1 on The Duke and stand out of the way and wait till pottier #1 brings the paper back. That was bearable - but extremely frightening after dark. For me anyway. A flashlight can only show you just so many of the numerous perils awaiting you on a trip through the brush and rocks and rattlesnakes and scorpions on the way to The Duke. But God help me, sometimes you just can't hold it till sun up.
Enough of that.Going to sleep was another issue altogether. We're back to the rattlesnakes and scorpions here. I was an extremely fearful person back then. Not quite afraid of my shadow, but close. I had a major ordeal to go through each night to ensure myself that I was duly protected from snakes and bugs even though I was lying on a mat with nothing above me but the stars. I would spend hours visualizing a snake and bug-proof barrier around me and, I guess, eventually fall asleep from simple exhaustion. I failed on those mostly sleepless nights to visualize a barricade for coyotes. I awoke one morning to find tracks leading past me, stopping at my head, and continuing down to the "kitchen." Oh well ...
At some point on the third day we came ashore and hiked to Phantom Ranch. Phantom Ranch is a very rustic place at the very bottom of the Grand Canyon where hikers and adventurers simply lay their head and grab some grub. We were going to spend one night down there and hike out of the Canyon the next day. You sleep in bunk beds dormitory style - one big room with rows of bunk beds. One building for the women, one for the men. One big mess hall to grab your dinner, and the next morning, have a hearty breakfast and pick up a bagged lunch and hit the trail. For dinner you have a choice of two entrees - stew or steak. For breakfast, I can't remember ... I didn't sleep well and was really tired.
See, it's even more pitch black in the dorm than by the river. There is a roof blocking your star light and did I mention that the dark was one of the things I was afraid of? Plus, I snore - always have - and I was very conscious of not keeping our dorm-mates awake with my snoring. And I was also quite cognizant of the ever-present scorpions. An awful lot to worry about, let me tell you.
Enough of that. Day four - we awaken, albeit somewhat groggily, to a fresh and cool morning, grab breakfast and our packed lunch (a sandwich and an apple) and fill up our water bottles and hit the trail.You have two basic popular choices for hiking into or out of the Grand Canyon: Kaibab Trail or Bright Angel Trail. We chose Bright Angel Trail (a milder hike compared to the other trail) and headed up and out of the Grand Canyon. 9.8 miles of switchbacks and a mostly very gradual incline up to the SouthRim.
Ok - I don't know what possibly could have possessed me to think I could hike out of the Grand Canyon without a hell of a lot of drama and pain and exhaustion. I left the Ranch clean and fresh and looking human. I ended up many hours later with my clothes in tatters and covered in blood. Ah yes ... fond memories ...
It started nicely enough and, honestly, it is a sight to behold - the Canyon, the wildlife, other tourists hiking out with plastic sandles ... passing me ...
It is truly an adventure I'd undertake again, eventually, but this particular time was pure hell in a canyon. There are very few potty stops (one or two, I think) and just about as many watering spots. Water wasn't an issue this time (unlike during my Denali adventure). I had plenty of water. What I didn't have was energy, the sense to take advantage of the last potty stop or a change of clothes.
At some point, either I was goofing off or too tired to stand, I can't remember which, but I ended up shreading both legs of my jeans and getting dirt all over my clothes and face. I was a mess ... but that was nothing. We still had a few hours of hiking to do, well past the last potty station with no turning back - trust me on that - and yours truly entered "that time of month." God help me. Here I was tired, dirty, my hair looked like a tazmanian devil had nested in it, and now I was covered with blood.
Alright - we make it to the South Rim ... I, in relief, exhaustion and embarassment, start bawling my eyes out and make a dash for the visitor center ladies room. I'm staggering, I'm bleeding, I'm crying, I'm filthy and I bust through the ladies room door like a drunk, crazed canyon dweller who everyone suspected existed but hoped never to lay eyes on. And the place is packed to the gills with fresh clean ladies who just got off the tour bus to look over the edge of the rim so they could say they had done the Grand Canyon.Well let me tell you ... I cleared that place out in about 15 seconds flat. As the ladies decided "oh I can hold it" they fled the restroom like a flock of pigeons fleeing a cat and the door closed behind them on utterances of "don't go in there ... really ... you don't want to go in there."
I don't think I need to go into the gross details but after about 20 minutes of taking care of business and basically bathing in a tiny sink I was still tired and wearing dirty, tattered and bloody clothes, but I no longer cared. I had proven myself - I'd done what fewer than one percent of Grand Canyon visitors had done - and by God - I wanted a beer. So we marched proudly into the first restaurant we could find and settled in.It took slightly longer to clear that place out ...
posted by Lynnie - LaughingBasset at 4:46 PM
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